Dear University of Rhode Island Parking Services,
I was a student in 1988. I started working for the University in 1989. Parking was an issue. Always has been, always will be. I’m pretty sure when the school opened there were horses and buggies sharking each other for open trees to tie up to. Come the late 80’s, the spots after 9am were few and far between. So I started coming in early. I’d get to campus around 7:30. Grab the same spot in the fine arts parking lot. And sit around.
Pretty soon I realized that was pretty wasteful. So I found an on campus job that would allow me to work 8am shifts and get PAID for coming in that early and finding a plumb parking spot. Win win, right?
RIGHT! I got paid. I was there for my 9am art classes. And I could see my car when I ran out to pee. Seems like pure logic.
Before I even graduated, I started to work at getting a job at the school. I loved the environment, I loved what I was doing, it was another win win for me. AND an added benefit is I got way better parking. I got a pass. And a swipe card. And I could get through gates and park in places the students only DREAMED of. PERQ!
As you know, I tried, and I failed some. (You know what you did URI. You know the waste of money you caused by hiring certain people instead of me, who waste your money by going on trips and teaching classes instead of working at their jobs.) But then I finally earned a position. And I’ve kept it for over 15 years. And I’ve worked my ass off.
And I have a parking pass.
The whole point of having gates is to let the correct people IN, and keep the rabble OUT. Correct? I mean otherwise, why would we have gates?
Then why… WHY… WHYYYYYYYYYY??????exclamationpointquestionmarkperiod do I regularly come to my parking lot and have the gates raised?
Especially at lunchtime?? WHY!? Can you tell me? (You can comment at the bottom of this page, URI. And I hope you do.)
So today, I came back from lunch, and found the Chafee lot gate strangely (not really strangely, as it is so often it is nearly a given) open. And students flooding in. And there were no spots. So I was in the awkward position of having to find a spot in 5 minutes or be late back to work.
What did I do, you ask? I parked illegally. In one of two spots outside of Rodman that are strangely NOT spots. They are there. They are car sized. They are just not legal spots. I can only guess it is because if someone needs to get to the emergency phone, we want to make sure they don’t have to turn sideways first. Fine. I left ample space on the other side and in front of me if there is a mid-day assault. I didn’t want to, but you forced me to. You FORCED me to.
You can see in the picture that there was plenty of space, and honestly, if someone is getting chased by a group of drunken frat boy thugs, odds are they would get bottlenecked anyway, giving the victim a chance to hit the blue button. So I was really doing a public service.
So my plea to you. For the people being victimized. For the people who want to go for a drive at lunch. For the people who have worked here for fifteen years and earned a parking space. Please keep the goddamned gates closed.
It’s not physics.
For the record, three seconds after I walked away from my car, this fucking spot opened up. But that’s not the point.
And someone at URI drives a Lotus! What are we paying these people!?!!!?!